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After some time. Alice arrived at a fork in the road. The road divided into two roads, one on the left and one on the right. Between the two roads was a tree. In the tree sat the Cheshire Cat.

‘Which road should I take?’ asked Alice. The Cheshire Cat smiled and replied, ‘Where do you want to go?’

‘I don’t know’, Alice replied.

‘In that case, said the cat, it doesn’t matter’.

From 'Alice in Wonderland'

The right kind of green?

How many times has anyone been in the search of the right kind of green? How many times has anyone ever thought that they’ve lost the right kind of green? Or maybe never found it? Or maybe found it without realizing it was the right kind of green?

How many times has anyone stepped out of the gravel path just to wonder at the green or maybe to try to find it?

Right kind of Green=that ‘green’ that makes one smile without any reason, that green which makes one jump for joy, that green which means ‘new philosophy’, that makes one realize that staring at the green or into somebody’s else might be similar, or that green that simply makes your day and maybe makes you feel you belong somewhere else.

Found it? The thing is that most of us find it but only realize it once they moved on with ‘another’ kind of green. It’s hilarious that sometimes the journey may start with the right kind of green but then before the journey ends one slowly realizes that on the way back the green is gone.

’Watermelon and beer’ or ’On revient toujours a ses premiers amours’

Of course I can’t imagine any summer without both! will always keep in mind the image of my grandparents carrying watermelon from the market early every single morning, so this is how August would normally pass back some 15 years ago, with me hanging out and eating watermelon for as long as possible. It was the ‘thing’ that would bring as all together, we would ‘’assess’’ the quality, the sweetness of the watermelon on a daily basis, we would invite neighbours over to try it.  Sometimes I think that as a teenager I would be much wiser about my simple silly life in general, much more than I am right now, simply because then you don’t have too much of a background to compare things against, and you still wonder at things, and you still think that you may still get as many tries as possible, or eat as much of watermelon as possible. What about the beer then? Definitely not the case of the time, not at all, however they seem to have the same effect on me somehow and the same status in a way. What does it feel like? Beer is simply as a summer dream, one that starts on a hot July night and ends when September comes.  What does summer do to people?  Except for the watermelon and beer, it links people, it creates memories, it probably makes people imagine more than usual, it certainly makes one fantasize, and it mostly generates a sort of dizziness, however one certainly feels happier and more alive.  But that’s intricate! Cuz it makes one realize that one needs so little to be happy in the end: watermelon.

viata e in alta parte

Kundera e de-a dreptul diabolic, adica iti deranjeaza existenta  cand ti-e lumea mai draga, sau cand astepti un autobus vreo sapte ore intr-o autogara unde prin fata ochilor ti se afiseaza tot la fiecare doua minute fete noi, si unde auzi tot la a doua persoana o alta limba decat engleza. Si ai doua optiuni: fie sa te cufunzi in lumea lui Kundera, fie sa privesti. Si exista mai multe moduri de a privi, si daca esti in situatia data mai sus, cel mai probabil vei vedea oameni butonandu-si smartphone-urile de zori, fie mimand cititul pe un kindle. Asa ca in situatia asta, tot ceea ce poti face este te cufunzi in lumea lui Kundera, pentru ca oricum “viata e in alta parte”, nicidecum vazuta prin prisma celor care perinda prin fata ta, parca nederanjati de nimic. Oare de aceea mi-a fost atat de nesuferit in acel moment Kundera?

Pentru ca doar el putea sa spuna ca de fiecare data cand vei pleca de acasa vei simti mereu o privire dezaprobatoare care te va striga sa vii inapoi! Si care mai apoi spune ca desi vei fi departe, tot vei simti atingerea zgarzii pe ceafa ta?

Si ce vrea? Doar sa nu rupi lesa, pe cat posibil, da poti sa pleci, poti sa te zbati, dar atata timp cat nu rupi lesa, atat timp cat nu parasesti totul pentru o alta viata,  totul pare sub control. Trebuie sa recunosc ca in acest roman ni se asterne in fata o teorie care necesita prea multe argumente pentru a fi contestata intr-un fel sau altul. Si anume faptul ca abia atunci cand ai curajul sa lasi in urma tot ceea ce te tine legat de viata ta de pana atunci, poti sa devii liber, cu toate ca simpla respingere a unei anumite forme de autoriate nu te face neaparat mai liber, ci doar nascandu-te nestiind din cine, ca “un ou aruncat in padure”. Si astfel dupa 7 ore de asteptare intr-o autogara, iti dai seama ca poate viata ti se desfasoara tocmai acolo unde nu esti pana la urma, si ca tot asteptand sa inceapa, de fapt ea trece intr-o cu totul alta parte iar in final te intrebi oare care o fi diferenta intre ‘viata cronologica’ si ‘existenta’ in sine. 

Ghidul ipocritilor

Cu siguranta tot ne lipsea un “ghid al ipocritilor” ca sa-i mai recunoastem pe cei care trec netulburati printre noi cu toate atributele lor ipocritice, pe care nu se oboseste nimeni sa le semnaleze eventual.

Peter Demeny s-a gandit totusi sa le faca un profil psihologic, un profil in care s-ar putea sa ne regasim cu totii macar o data in viata.

Sotul/sotia ipocrita

“din cele spuse pana acum e limpede ca un ipocrit nu stie sa se indragosteasca si nici sa iubeasca” pentru ca ‘indragostirea’ necesita macar credinta ca nimic nu este mai important decat persoana spre care vezi doamne te ademeneste. Adevarat? Nu stiu ce spun statisticile dar ipocritul se ascunde lejer sub masca ipocriziei. Oricum sotul/sotia ipocrit/a isi va juca rolul pana la capat.

Copilul ipocrit

Capitolul acesta mi-a placut cel mai mult  pentru ca “orice copil inteligent isi da seama, la circa trei ani, care este rolul pe care jucandu-l, va putea evolua in lume”. Daca esti fetita, cu atat mai mult, privirea inocenta si naivitatea absoluta iti va deschide multe usi si inimi. Citind ma gandeam daca am jucat vreodata rolul acesta..fireste ca am facut-o si m-am bucurat de avantajele pe care le-a presupus la un moment dat. Am fost copilul model, ascultatorul absolut, vesnicul nevinovat.  Acum, privind lucrurile dintr-o alta perspectiva, mi-am dat seama ca imi plac la nebunie copiii zburdalnici, cuminti sau mai putin cuminti, strengari, dar si isteti, nu neaparat natafletii care se ascund sub masca copilului cuminte. 

Parintele ipocrit

Nu cred ca mi-am regasit parintii in acest capitol, ceea ce m-a bucurat oarecum, desi tata a avut niste porniri de ipocrizie cand incepea sa se laude cu meritele copilelor, eu una m-am scandalizat oarecum  si de atunci ‘tacere’.

Amantul/amantul ipocrit(a)

Deci daca ipocritul nu se poate indragosti si joaca rolul de sot, ce se intampla atunci cu amantul (a) ipocrit (a)? Cert este ca amantul (a) ipocrita va repeata constant “nu am iubit  pe nimeni, in viata mea”. Esti sigur (a) ca nu ai auzit ceva similar pana acum? Pentru ca este deja un loc comun, si este de-a dreptul alergic sa o auzi. Si daca mai auzi “nimeni nu este mai frumoasa ca tine, plus nenumarate ‘te iubesc’, atunci e clar, si “ea” va crede ca “el”, tata a “n” copii, si casatorit de ceva vreme o iubeste numai pe ea. Ipocritul promite fara menajamente, doar ca momentul in care isi va parasi sotia nu mai vine niciodata. Fireste, nicio problema, pentru ca promisiunile netinute nu reprezinta neaparat vreo temere pentru ‘ipocrit’.  Oricum ipocritul nu sfarseste prin a se indragosti de victimele lui, doar nu o fi Julien Sorel din “Rosu si negru”. Si nici noi suntem “Alba ca Zapada”, let’s face it..

Restul capitolelor…fratele/sora ipocrita, prietenul ipocrit (a)…nu mi se aplica neaparat pentru ca nu cred in conceptul de “cel (cea) mai bun (a) prieten (a) sau ce mai bun (a) frate/sora. Conform aparentelor, aceste persoane sunt langa tine doar atunci cand au nevoie, dar “ce sa facem? Asa e viata!”

Cat despre restul, ..ruda ipocrita, vecinul ipocrit, colegul (a) ipocrit (a), socrul (a), ginerele (nora) etc….sunt destui, pe gustul tuturor cred, deloc pe cale de disparitie, asa cum am crede initial. Dar oricum cu totii suntem ipocriti intr-o situatie sau alta, fie ca o facem intentionat sau nu, linistiti, suntem oricand gata sa ne punem masca de ipocriti si ne purtam ca si cum “nu ar exista nici urma de sinceritate, credibilitate sau consecventa.”

Sinceritate? Da e primul lucru pe care l-am observat in aceasta carte, fireste nu ne vom regasi in fiecare dintre situatiile prezentate, dar cel putin intr-una fiecare isi gaseste o trasatura de care poate nu este foarte mandru,  ipocritii sunt rareori demascati totusi. 

Consecventa? Fireste, ipocritii sunt destul de consecventi, in ceea ce priveste ipocrizia, rareori o schimbare neasteptata ii loveste. 

Credibilitate? Credulii pot incerca, dar s-ar putea sa ramana cam dezamagiti pentru ca ipocritii isi duc in continuare veacul printre noi.

Can we blame Anna less?

No, I haven’t read it again, as I’ve done with most of my favorite novels just to see if my ‘reading’ changes over time, nothing of that sort, however, watching Tom Stoppard’s modern ‘version’ on Tolstoy’s novel gave me the opportunity to recall the time I read it and the time I still used to think that no, nowadays society is not that judgmental after all, and I almost grew up and went through my teenage years believing it.  What happened afterwards? well, of course as years passed I’ve familiarized myself with watching people priding themselves on being non-judgmental. Still, priding and actually doing it are two separate things and of course one would not be indifferent if a friend is being dumped by her husband, or if somebody would actually give up her kids for the sake of a lover, or if one would embarrass ‘the other’. No, of course that one can’t help it even if one claims to be cool with all that. No, I don’t think society changed too much as far as human relationships are concerned. That we’ve grown more mature and found other ways to get out of a relationship, true, thinking that nobody would dare to judge your behavior, however, everybody does it, starting with yourself obviously.  

Tom Stoppard’s contemporary adaptation couldn’t reflect better what is actually the current state of affairs, though probably now we cope better with guilt or shame than at the time. It’s puzzling only when you think that doing whatever brings about self-fulfillment might actually pose threats to one’s zone of comfort. No need to be discouraged, after all psychology took over and taught us how to deal with guilt maybe.  If issues of what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ are just irrelevant then why only a  few would behave like Anna? And I mean, men as well.

Feet on the ground?

So what you gonna do when fantasy takes over your feelings, ideals about what life should be like, dreams and hidden hopes, would you stare at it and let it take over?

Sometimes, when you look at pros and cons, you can easily get even more confused, because doing the pros and cons ‘thing’ means rationalizing the situation, which does not give too much of a chance to fantasy right from the start.

When it comes to choices, I’m personally much at a loss since I can mostly live up to clichés, which give me a sense of security.  Gonna get better?

One foot or both feet on the ground? Sure, one may go the safe way, but what you gonna do when fantasy sneaks beneath the layers of mascara?

then hesitant days would take over before fantasy does